Saturday, February 9, 2013
This is his classic silly grin.
He is my quiet strength. A bonus gift from God.
God affirmed to me with Isaiah's pregnancy that I am not the worst parent ever. That I am worthy of caring for His child. His children. Thank You God. I am humbled beyond humbled. For a gift I never deserved.
You see we didn't "plan" Isaiah. And Isaiah and I almost didn't make it through his pregnancy. Eleven months after he was born.........perfect in everyway. (plus the gift of dyslexia, my only child with dyslexia!) I was hospitalized twice and almost went home with Jesus. When he was 6 I had a code blue after a big surgery and even mentally welcomed God to take me as the Drs worked on me, but I was returned to my Isaiah.
I didn't want to leave him. But I'm prepared because I know each day is a gift.
I LOVE boys. They are so different from girls- so different from me. Each time a boy in our house grows up I cry. I swear they need me. But they don't. They are men now. They are strong. I pray they become strong in the Lord, because that is our/their true source of strength. The years from 16-18 go by too quickly.
When I was pregnant with Isaiah I prayed for a boy. I was sure that if I had less time on earth with him because of my age or illness, that he would not need me as much.
But I forgot how much I'd need him.
Most of my grown up girls needed me for births, and advice on women stuff. I was sure if I'd had another girl she'd miss me too much and feel cheated by having an "old" mom who was 47 when she was born. That she might miss me the way that I'll miss my mom. And my mom was only 24 when she had me. My mom becomes more precious to me each day.
When I was little my mom had an alcohol problem. So did Dad. Parents make parenting errors. Parents are human. Alcohol fuels the fire. I was hurt.
But I'd never hurt my parents.
The 5th commandment is there for a reason. Not as a law, but as God's beautiful loving command- because God is LOVE who LOVES us. I found this book "For This Is Right- a practical application of the 5th commandment for young people".
From Doorposts~ http://www.doorposts.com/
I bought copies for my adult kids.
I read it myself.
It is a beautiful teaching tool. It reminded me of when the NT says- how can you love a stranger if you do not love your own brother?" (mother)
God did not find me un-worthy. He sent His son to die for me.
We bow down and we woship You Lord!